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Category Archives: Marriage

Do It Yourself Obituary

27th November, 2016 · Chapman · Leave a comment

The “Do It Yourself” idea has made millions for industries catering to those who would rather complete a project than pay another to do it.  Entire cable networks have built their programming around this craze, demonstrating how old houses can be made to look new again, how old furniture can be refurbished, and how items from the junkyard can be turned into treasures. In turn, those with the necessary skills have saved millions of dollars by doing the work to produce a satisfying end product. It is within this spirit of “DIY” that the following challenge is made: write your own obituary!

Even today, most every hometown newspaper has an obituary column. Enshrining those who have passed from this life, their family, deeds, good works, and hobbies are encapsulated in a few brief paragraphs to allow readers to know the quality of the individual. What, though, if obituary writing was taken away from newspaper journalists and the responsibility given to every individual?  There is biblical precedent for such an idea! As the Apostle Paul knew his life would soon end, he wrote his obituary:

“For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved His appearing.” (I Timothy 4:6-8)

Paul’s reflection on his death illustrated an individual who knew what he wanted in life; thus, his final days were not spent with regret, but with anxious anticipation of what was soon to come.

Getting Started

Typically, the hardest part of a do it yourself project is beginning. The necessary motivation is often eclipsed by either a dread of the work at hand or the attention paid to other pursuits. As a part of the do it yourself obituary, the first step is to take time and contemplate what accomplishments are desired in this life. A nurse who spent her life working in the field of palliative care recorded the biggest regrets her patients voiced as their lives were coming to a close. In her anecdotal observations, she found that every male patient expressed the same regret, “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” As these men looked back on their lives, they realized that pursuing a career had devoured time which could and should have been devoted to family and other good works. The Lord recognized this as a great temptation, admonishing in his parable of the soils that “what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful” (Matthew 13:22). Thus, as the “do it yourselfer” begins writing, he must determine how he wants to be remembered. Will his obituary state that he was a devoted family man, good father, and good husband, or will it state that he was an invaluable asset to the company for whom he worked? Will it state he was a selfless worker in the Lord’s service or will it state he was a tireless worker for his employer?

Concluding

Perhaps the second hardest part of the do it yourself project is finding satisfaction with the end result. Often, the DIY enthusiasts will state “I should have done this” or “I should have done that.” What about with the final lines of the obituary? Note once again how the Apostle Paul concluded his obituary; it was not with regret, but with anticipation. He was not a perfect man in any way; in fact, he stated that he was “chief among sinners.” He, however, knew the grace of God and knew the absolute necessity of “working out one’s own salvation.” Thus, he always had the finish line in mind and raced accordingly. The DIY obituary writer must make a choice; does he desire to be remembered as the man who left his family financially well-off or the man who laid the foundation for a spiritual house? Does he desire to be remembered as the veteran employee whose portrait will hang on the wall for years to come or the Christian whose portrait adorns the hearts of his brethren? Does he desire to have his name engraved in earthly memorials or does he desire his name to be recorded in the Lamb’s book of life?

Filling In The Middle

The hard labor of any project is what occurs between beginning and end; the same is true with life. What, then, is the purpose of writing one’s own obituary? It is to live in such a manner that will lead to the desired conclusion. Writing an obituary before the closing days of life provides opportunity to evaluate the direction one’s life is going. It gives the young man working his way up the corporate ladder opportunity to pause and reconsider his family obligations: “Husbands, love your wives even as Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25).  It gives the young woman opportunity to reflect on her God-given duties within the family: “And so train younger women to love their husbands and children” (Titus 2:5). It provides opportunity for every Christian to examine his or her lifestyle and determine if the Lord is a part of that life or if the Lord IS life: “And when Christ, who is your life, appears…” (Colossians 3:4). The priorities established “before the evil days come” will certainly determine the outcome.

Conclusion

Death is not a subject that most desire to contemplate and mortality is often an avoided idea. The realist, however, fully understands that the day of departure is coming: “Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment” (Heb. 9:27). The DIY obituary writer, with full realization that death is coming, gets busy! As the Apostle Paul, actions are taken to produce the hope and security that a victor’s crown is waiting. May every child of God take to heart and live every day in anticipation of meeting the Lord. May every obituary written by the faithful come to its desired and glorious conclusion – a life lived for God.

By Greg Chandler

Posted in Bulletin Articles, Christian Living, Marriage, Parenting |

Proverbs on Marriage

1st June, 2014 · Chapman · Leave a comment

(Unless noted, all quotations are from Proverbs).

“He who finds a [spouse] finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord” (18:22). Though many married couples would enthusiastically agree that marriage is a blessing from God, others find themselves more in agreement with the words of 21:19, “Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry [spouse]1.” Why do some consider their marriage a blessing, while others suffer through conflict, pain, and, in many cases, divorce. Many reasons could be given, but one of the biggest differences is that some, with the proper fear of the Lord (1:7; 9:10), find in God’s word the knowledge and wisdom necessary to not only please God, but build a happy marriage. Consider four things we can do to help make this union a good thing and a favor from the Lord.

Be Content

“Better is a little with the fear of the Lord, than great treasure with trouble. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a fatted calf with hatred” (15:16, 17). “Better is a dry morsel with quietness, than a house full of feasting with strife” (17:1). While Solomon is emphasizing that a happy home is built upon love, peace, and the fear of the Lord, he also points to that which often destroys the peace and love in the home, viz. covetousness. When a couple cannot be content, strife

is often the result as more hours must be worked, the mountain of debt grows higher, resentments are stirred by complaints of not having or making enough, etc. Couples who measure success by what they accumulate often neglect the training and discipline of children—after all, there are only so many hours in a day—and undisciplined children do not make for a happy, peaceful home.

Does contentment equate to a lack of ambition and drive? Is it wrong to seek to better one’s lot in life? Not at all, but we must realize that “the house does not make the home.” We can determine to have a happy, loving, God-fearing home regardless of how much or how little we may have. If we seek to make this kind of home our priority, time and opportunity may see more and better possessions come our way, but because our happiness was not dependent on them, we will not have sacrificed our marriage to obtain them.

Use Kindness of Speech

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver” (25:11). In all circumstances we should choose our words carefully, but, unfortunately, we too often are the most careless and thoughtless in the way we speak to the ones closest to us. We must learn to speak with kindness, and especially on those occasions when trouble may be brewing: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (15:1). In every marriage there will be times when one or the other will say something that is not “fitly spoken.” Though it shouldn’t happen, it does, but the key is what happens next. If the one on the receiving end of an improperly spoken word responds with harshness, more anger will be stirred and a full-blown conflict may emerge. But if, on the other hand, the response is a soft answer, it will usually help calm the situation. While a soft answer does not always defuse the situation immediately, it does serve to keep the problem from escalating and allows the angry one’s wrath to slowly dissipate. “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back” (29:11).

In the best of marriages there will be differences, but when such times arise we must remember these words of wisdom: “The beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts”(17:14). In order to stop the contention there may times you must agree to disagree; times you must postpone a decision until later when a calmer atmosphere prevails; and there may be times you simply give in (assuming questions of sin and righteousness are not involved). Pride makes it difficult to give in, but giving in is better than releasing that which can never be bottled up again.

Be Strong

“If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small” (24:10). If in searching for the secrets of marital success we were to study couples who have been married for more than fifty years, we would probably find that. in general, they have experienced as many of life’s difficulties as though who have divorced. They have had differences of opinion; suffered financial difficulties; cared for one another through physical ailments; had disappointments and heartaches; in other words, they faced their share of adversity, but with a commitment to a promise made before God they simply refused to faint in the day of adversity. “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Be Intimate

Contrary to the thinking of many today, marital happiness is about so much than the sexual relationship between a husband and a wife, but Solomon does speak of its importance in building happiness and preventing temptation.“Rejoice with the wife of your youth. Always be enraptured with her love” (see 5:15-20). While modern marriage manuals and popular magazines often focus on the physical mechanics of this relationship, the Biblical model shows us that the pleasures of this intimacy are best enjoyed by those who first fear God, love one another, speak with kindness, work for peace, etc. This physical relationship is encouraged by God and should be enjoyed by both husband and wife, but the best marriages are those where this intimacy grows out of the bonds of genuine love and concern for one another.

John Gibson

Posted in Marriage, Proverbs |

Interview About Marriage and Divorce

30th March, 2014 · Chapman · Leave a comment

Marriage has been around for a long time. In fact, it has been around for so long that one could say it has been here since the beginning and be factually correct. In the book of beginnings, in the second chapter and twenty-fourth verse, God established this institution which we now refer to as marriage: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

The concept and ideal of marriage is not a difficult one. Essentially, one man and one female come together in the closest of connections and live their life together as a single bond. Despite the plainness of verses like Genesis 2:24, there are many today who think God will allow changes to this union. The great thing about this type of thinking is that we don’t have to wonder about what His potential answer might be, because we know what His answer already is.

You are probably wondering how I can know without any doubt what the creator of the marriage relationship would say. Well, it just so happens that in today’s article I am going to share an interview I recently had with a Man who was there when the concept of marriage was being expressed for the first time.

(As you read through my interview, you will probably notice that my Interviewee continued to repeat the same answer to most of my questions. I kind of got the sense that no matter how hard I tried, He would not provide me with a loophole in the original commandment concerning marriage.)

Our Interview

1. Who are the constituents of marriage?

“Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female’?”

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

2. The Supreme Court and several states have overturned this outdated view of marriage, and have defined marriage as having the possibility of applying to both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. Do you have any comments regarding this?

“Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female’?”

3. Now that you have clarified who you believe to make up the marriage bond, could you give me a brief definition concerning your view of marriage?

“They are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

4. Your answer implies that because God does the joining, He is also the only that can do the separating. What then is God’s view of divorce?

“‘For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garments with violence.’”

5. That’s a stiff answer. Is there any scenario in which a divorce can take place?

“‘And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

6. Wow! That is harsh! (Then I proceeded to ask a two-fold question.) What about our judicial system which allows for other reasons to dissolve a marriage? Are irreconcilable differences not a sufficient reason to allow a divorce?

“They are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

“‘And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”

7. Your answers are certainly counter-culture. I’ve heard some say this is pretty strict (Matthew 19:10), so in your line of thinking, does someone who has fallen into any of these sins still have hope?

“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.”

From my interview I learned that God has spoken with clarity on the issue regarding marriage and divorce. “Marriage is honorable among all” (Hebrews 13:4).

Isaac Muñoz

Posted in Divorce, Marriage |

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