Category Archives: Parenting

Do It Yourself Obituary

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The “Do It Yourself” idea has made millions for industries catering to those who would rather complete a project than pay another to do it.  Entire cable networks have built their programming around this craze, demonstrating how old houses can be made to look new again, how old furniture can be refurbished, and how items from the junkyard can be turned into treasures. In turn, those with the necessary skills have saved millions of dollars by doing the work to produce a satisfying end product. It is within this spirit of “DIY” that the following challenge is made: write your own obituary!

Even today, most every hometown newspaper has an obituary column. Enshrining those who have passed from this life, their family, deeds, good works, and hobbies are encapsulated in a few brief paragraphs to allow readers to know the quality of the individual. What, though, if obituary writing was taken away from newspaper journalists and the responsibility given to every individual?  There is biblical precedent for such an idea! As the Apostle Paul knew his life would soon end, he wrote his obituary:

“For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved His appearing.” (I Timothy 4:6-8)

Paul’s reflection on his death illustrated an individual who knew what he wanted in life; thus, his final days were not spent with regret, but with anxious anticipation of what was soon to come.

Getting Started

Typically, the hardest part of a do it yourself project is beginning. The necessary motivation is often eclipsed by either a dread of the work at hand or the attention paid to other pursuits. As a part of the do it yourself obituary, the first step is to take time and contemplate what accomplishments are desired in this life. A nurse who spent her life working in the field of palliative care recorded the biggest regrets her patients voiced as their lives were coming to a close. In her anecdotal observations, she found that every male patient expressed the same regret, “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” As these men looked back on their lives, they realized that pursuing a career had devoured time which could and should have been devoted to family and other good works. The Lord recognized this as a great temptation, admonishing in his parable of the soils that “what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful” (Matthew 13:22). Thus, as the “do it yourselfer” begins writing, he must determine how he wants to be remembered. Will his obituary state that he was a devoted family man, good father, and good husband, or will it state that he was an invaluable asset to the company for whom he worked? Will it state he was a selfless worker in the Lord’s service or will it state he was a tireless worker for his employer?

Concluding

Perhaps the second hardest part of the do it yourself project is finding satisfaction with the end result. Often, the DIY enthusiasts will state “I should have done this” or “I should have done that.” What about with the final lines of the obituary? Note once again how the Apostle Paul concluded his obituary; it was not with regret, but with anticipation. He was not a perfect man in any way; in fact, he stated that he was “chief among sinners.” He, however, knew the grace of God and knew the absolute necessity of “working out one’s own salvation.” Thus, he always had the finish line in mind and raced accordingly. The DIY obituary writer must make a choice; does he desire to be remembered as the man who left his family financially well-off or the man who laid the foundation for a spiritual house? Does he desire to be remembered as the veteran employee whose portrait will hang on the wall for years to come or the Christian whose portrait adorns the hearts of his brethren? Does he desire to have his name engraved in earthly memorials or does he desire his name to be recorded in the Lamb’s book of life?

Filling In The Middle

The hard labor of any project is what occurs between beginning and end; the same is true with life. What, then, is the purpose of writing one’s own obituary? It is to live in such a manner that will lead to the desired conclusion. Writing an obituary before the closing days of life provides opportunity to evaluate the direction one’s life is going. It gives the young man working his way up the corporate ladder opportunity to pause and reconsider his family obligations: “Husbands, love your wives even as Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25).  It gives the young woman opportunity to reflect on her God-given duties within the family: “And so train younger women to love their husbands and children” (Titus 2:5). It provides opportunity for every Christian to examine his or her lifestyle and determine if the Lord is a part of that life or if the Lord IS life: “And when Christ, who is your life, appears…” (Colossians 3:4). The priorities established “before the evil days come” will certainly determine the outcome.

Conclusion

Death is not a subject that most desire to contemplate and mortality is often an avoided idea. The realist, however, fully understands that the day of departure is coming: “Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment” (Heb. 9:27). The DIY obituary writer, with full realization that death is coming, gets busy! As the Apostle Paul, actions are taken to produce the hope and security that a victor’s crown is waiting. May every child of God take to heart and live every day in anticipation of meeting the Lord. May every obituary written by the faithful come to its desired and glorious conclusion – a life lived for God.

By Greg Chandler

Noah’s Boys and Lot’s Girls

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Rearing children is a difficult task. No parent would deny the supreme joy that children bring. But neither can we deny the perplexity, frustration, or uncertainty begotten by our begotten.  Fortunately, God has supplied dazed and confused parents with both spiritual instruction (Deuteronomy 6: 3ff; Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:4), and insightful examples (Romans 15:4).

It would have been nice if God had offered a detailed account of the rearing of some godly man like David or John the Baptist.  Did Jesse approve of David’s music?  Did Zechariah set a curfew?  However, God didn’t record such a comprehensive account because I’m not raising David or John.  I’m raising Haley (and beginning in August, the Lord willing, her sibling).

Consider two families-Noah’s (Genesis 532-10:32) and Lot’s (Genesis 19:1-38).  Interestingly, there are a number of similarities.  Both dwelt in ungodly environments.  Both had righteous men at their head.  God delivered both from cataclysmic events.  Yet Noah’s boys and Lot’s girls appear far dissimilar in the end.  Observe the following;

Spiritual wisdom is important.  In Genesis 13:8f, Lot focuses upon the cities of the plain of Jordan.  The citizens of Sodom were “exceedingly” wicked in God’s eyes, and Lot was personally personally appalled at their lawlessness (II Peter 2:7ff).  Yet he took his wife and children into such a godless place simply because it was a good business move.  He was motivated more by temporal wisdom that by spiritual concern.  Some of his daughters died in Sodom (Genesis 19:14-15); his wife died looking back (Genesis 19:26); his two surviving daughters sacrificed their virginity to and bore children by their father after they enticed him to drunkenness (Genesis 19:30ff).  What would have happened to this family had Lot been more spiritual in his choices?

Active faith makes an impact.  Noah spent years proclaiming righteousness and preparing to save his family from an event absolutely unimaginable (Genesis 7:11f).  His boys saw a father who trusted God so completely that he built an incredible boat to receive an unbelievable menagerie.  Imagine the ridicule and scorn they must have endured.  Yet Noah was resolute and his faith must have inspired some trust in young Shem, Ham, and Japheth, for God delivered the boys and their wives as well.  Contrast Noah’s active faith with Lot’s fear and hesitation.  Granted, Lot was righteous (II Peter 2:7ff), but he gravitated repeatedly toward men (Genesis 13:12; 14:12; 19:20ff), attempted to appease the Sodomites with his virgin daughters, hesitated to leave Sodom, and begged God not to send him to the mountains, “lest some evil take me, and I die” (Genesis 19:19).  God delivered him, yet his faith was far from monumental.  It is little wonder that his wife and daughters did not appear to share his abhorrence of ungodliness, and that his sons-in-law ridiculed him.  We must do more than simply despise evil.

Parents must guard their character constantly.  Lot’s girls seem to have been exposed to a pattern of inconsistency.  How would you feel if your father offered you to a mob of sexual perverts?  His sons-in-law considered his warnings a joke.  He hesitated to leave.  He couldn’t stop his wife from looking back.  He was afraid of the mountains though God had delivered him. He allowed himself to become drunken before his girls. Perhaps their incest and sinful reasoning shouldn’t surprise us. But Ham, in Genesis 9:18ff, manifests contempt and disregard for Noah in response to one mistake. No doubt Ham harbored some dishonor for his father, yet Noah’s intemperance offered the opportunity for him to display his irreverence and mockery. Perhaps Ham was looking for inconsistency in his father, but Noah had apparently offered no ground for such criticism – until now. Parents, we must guard our character constantly. Our kids are watching.

A child eventually chooses his own character. It’s difficult to tell whether Noah’s boys, before the flood, were righteous like their father. Perhaps God saved them for Noah’s sake, though I believe otherwise. Shem and Japheth appear to imitate their father’s godliness in their reverence in Genesis 9:18f. Ham is another story. He is over 100 years old, with at least four boys of his own when he revels in his father’s sin. His character is now his own to pursue, and he pursues ungodliness on this occasion. Perhaps this is an indication of his moral fabric as a grown man. Though Noah was wrong in his drunkenness, Ham was old enough now to choose his own path. Noah had provided a godly example for his boys. “God saved my Dad from the flood.” Who else could make such a claim? But as with Noah and Ham, parents can only provide their children the foundation of faith – instruction, evidence, examples, admonition. There are no guarantees that they will trust God. We can’t give them our faith. How frustrating! Yet my little girl needs to love God by her choice, not by mine.

There are other lessons here and elsewhere. God knows that parents need help with their children and that children need help form their parents. Let’s work hard to offer our boys and girls every opportunity to survive this world. We owe it to them. We owe it to our folks. We owe it to God.

Russ Bowman

Disobedient to Parents?

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A noted characteristic of the Apostle Paul’s writings is his propensity for lists. To make his point, Paul often included numerous characteristics to describe the topic under consideration. One such list is found in Paul’s second letter to Timothy as he described the problems that would plague the last days. The vices that compose this list fit neatly together, such as lovers of self showing conceit and the ungrateful demonstrating heartlessness. Tucked in the middle of this list, however, is a phrase that seems alien to the others – “disobedient to parents.” Compared to the other characteristics, this particular “evil” sounds quite mild. Surface reasoning is superfluous in this case and a closer inspection of the problem reveals a foundation stone in a life given to denial of godliness.

Being brought up by a Jewish mother, Timothy certainly would have been aware of the seriousness of a lack of parental respect since such a disrespectful youth would bear serious consequences under the Law of Moses. Concerning this, the law stated, “If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’  Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear” (Deuteronomy 21:1821). This law was not for a single youthful indiscretion or for a moment of temporary disrespect. Such action was reserved for the youth who refused to exercise the proper attitude and decorum toward his parents. The Lord knew that the child who scoffed at his earthly mother and father would surely reject his Heavenly Father as well.

Though the Mosaic Law was not brought forward into the New Testament, the Lord still expects an attitude of respect from the young. The Apostle Paul wrote, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1).  Respect must typify a child’s relationship with parents. This passage, written to young people who have reached an age of understanding, provides one of their first major spiritual tests. Note that this action is not based on the attitude or action of the child’s parents. The Lord does not tell young people to show respect as long as parental actions meet their approval.  He does not even provide a caveat for children who are raised by non-Christian parents. The Lord’s command requires children to develop a spirit of submission to parents that is essential in learning how to submit to God. In fact, the primary reason for a child’s obedience is to please Him (obey “in the Lord”).

A child’s failure to respect his or her parents will set a tone that can prove detrimental since it is highly unlikely that a disrespectful child will ever fully respect God. Failure to respect God means that life will be lived in worldly ways, with little attention paid to the qualities needed in order to bear the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-25). Young people must ponder this thought with great sobriety. There is often strong temptation to become rebellious toward parents in the tween and teen years and, in current culture, there is almost an expectation that this happen. For a young person seeking godliness, this trend will be avoided. Though disagreements will occur, the godly child will remember the authority of parents and the need to respect this authority. Such disagreements will be handled with great respect and ungodliness will not be manifest. This will be difficult, yet the child who develops such an attitude will find service to God much easier. There will be occasions where the will of the Heavenly Father may be different from what one might initially desire to pursue. In such cases, the training and discipline learned in the home will build a foundation for the respect given to the authority of God. Each respectful conclusion to a disagreement with parents will bolster the successful relationship the child can have with the Lord.

Parents must insist on such behavior from children. This is made much easier when both parents are pursuing godliness and illustrating a willing submission to the Lord. Children raised in such a home will see a living example of the kind of attitude that the Lord expects. It is for this reason that Paul wrote, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Children who are constantly allowed to have their way will have great difficulty learning the discipline that the Lord expects and requires. For parents of headstrong children, this will mean that a number of battles must be fought and fought consistently. There is no gain in a “strong one minute but weak the next” approach. Parents must always realize that they are ultimately helping their children develop a spirit that will surrender to and honor the Lord. This will be a wearying pursuit with a strong temptation to give up and give in, but the parents who desire what is spiritually best for their children will willingly fight the good fight.

Is the phrase “disobedient to parents” out of place in Paul’s list? Absolutely not! Paul well understood that a life lived for God or for wickedness begins early. He understood that the earliest tests for young people will have a tremendous impact on their lifelong spirituality. For both children and parents, there is great importance in creating a home where respect is given and parents are honored. Such will have an impact on whether or not a home will ultimately be found with the Father in Heaven.

By Greg Chandler